217: Aligning Your Values with Your Daily Actions

Michele  00:00

Hello, my name is Michele, and you're listening to Profit is a Choice. Hi, welcome to the podcast. Today we're going to be talking with Sandra Halling. And Sandra describes herself as a recovering corporate consultant turned anti-hustle, pro-equity, productivity coach. We're going to be discussing all about listening to ourselves, having an awareness and then creating some opportunities to protect ourselves while we're also building our firms. And so it was just such an awesome fun conversation, but also one that helps you think deeply about caring for yourself caring for your business so that you can care for your clients. So enjoy the podcast, and I'm excited to have Sandra with us. 

Michele  00:52

Every day, empowered entrepreneurs are taking ownership of their company financial health, and enjoying the rewards of reduced stress and more creativity. With my background as a financial software developer, owner of multiple businesses, and the interior design, industry, educator, and speaker, I coach women in the interior design industry to increase their profits, regain ownership of their bottom line, and to have fun again in their business. Welcome to profit is a Choice.  Hi, Sandra, welcome to the podcast.

Sandra Halling  01:29

Hi Michele. Thanks for having me.

Michele  01:30

Oh, you're welcome. Sandra. I'm excited to chat with you today. All things productivity, getting ourselves aligned and ready. You know, for whatever we're working on, and whatever's coming. I would love if you would start by just sharing with our listeners a little bit about you. And what brought you to the business that you have today.

Sandra Halling  01:51

Yeah, so I was a corporate consultant. Now I refer to myself as a recovering corporate consultant, because it's absolutely an industry that can burn you out. And it was, you know, mostly a problem was like wanting to take really good care of my clients. And they were large enterprise level firms. And I was like, you know, meaning my over here. And it was tricky to balance, their needs with what it looks like to actually run a successful solo consulting agency. And I did I burnt myself out. And then I started looking at, what are the challenges, really digging into sort of a professional excellence perspective on how do you embody really great client service, but not being a doormat, right? Because that's often what it looks like these ideas of the customer's always right, and that kind of thing. And if that's the mindset that we go into it with, we're putting ourselves at risk for for not having the solid boundaries that we need to take care of the business and make sure that we're taking care of ourselves. So that was sort of my, my transition or my transformation. I remember one day I was, I had done an amazing amount of work and hindsight that week, but my brain was telling me something completely different, a totally different story. And I had to put my foot down and say, You know what, the only thing that could make this better would be perfection. And perfection does not exist. So we're gonna stop now and go to yoga and enjoy the weekend. And this work will be here come Monday morning. And that was like a turning point for me to say, hey, I have to put my own needs. Not even at the top of the list, although I do encourage that now for sure. But like, my needs weren't even on the radar screen. They weren't even on the plate, you know. And so that was the the unfolding that I had to go through to get where I am now where I help other people do that same thing, prioritize self care, while still getting lots and lots of important things done.

Michele  03:53

You made so many comments in that, that have my brain firing. You know, one of the things I always have said and continue to say is, people can only walk on you if you lay down totally, like we can only be a doormat. If we're laying down like they either have to knock us down or we have to lay down for them to walk on top of us. They cannot walk on us if we're standing up. And for some reason, we have equated standing up with being harsh, the B word, something horrible, terrible. And, you know, I've been working through just a process of understanding what it really looks like in a regulated mindset, right? To be strong and kind. At the same time. You made a comment about your head and your heart kind of weren't in sync and you realized, right, there's this feeling of and I think sometimes that's what happens we right we we want to react a certain way. But then we talk ourselves out of reacting that way, even if that way is what is best in kind For the business and for us, which then makes it honestly better and kind for the person that we're serving, I was sharing with a client yesterday. And we were talking about the fact that when we overpay our employees, right, when we are like this, say that we are really needing somebody quickly. So we just offer everything and then they can't work and do the work. But we've overpaid, even if they could do the work. What happens is, if we're paying them outside of what the company can afford, at some point, because we didn't put the mask on the company, first, we weren't kind of careful to the company and to ourselves as the as the owners of that company, the company won't be able to sustain that hire. Just like if we're not caring for ourselves personally, we won't be able to sustain sustain ourselves. And one of the things that really intrigued me about having this type of conversation with you, Sandra is, you know, for my listeners, they are aware, but one of the things that had me even start this part of my business was not caring for my health, having a massive health break down, you know, over 10 years ago, 11 years ago now. And, you know, having to rethink everything and start over and build differently. And there are so many ways to just build in time for ourselves. And I'll say this, and then I'm gonna hush and ask you a few questions. But one of the things that I love, and I shared this with my team yesterday is like when I have been out on vacation, that first day back at a minimum, I plan it as a day for only me and my business like no forward facing meetings, right? So the first week after Christmas, when I'm off the week of Christmas, that first week, no client meetings, that because I need a week, because it's the beginning of the year. But if I go to an event, and I'm speaking at event where I have to travel that next one day back in the office is just me, because then I'm caring for myself, which means I actually am caring for my clients really well, because I'm coming to them rested and refreshed. And in a good mindset do you find similar? With the work that you do? And what let's jump into some what are some of the tactics? Or what is self care? Like? How would you some people think self care is I'm gonna go get my nails done, I'm gonna go have my hair done, I'm gonna get a facial and you know, and while I see that is personal care, I see that very differently from a business perspective. And I'd love to hear how you see it.

Sandra Halling  07:34

Yeah, the first thing I want to do is just comment on your story about your client conversation about being over hired, that is something that happens a lot when we're especially when we kind of wait too long to get the support we need. Like, one of the things to that can be a form of self care is to tie these two thoughts together is like building that muscle of looking three to six months ahead, like what not what is your business need in quarter four or January, but like, we're November, what is your business going to need in April? And how are you preparing for that? Now, that's a form of self care for yourself. And for the business. It's like, oh, by April, I really am going to need a second assistant or I'm going to need a marketing person and like maybe I should start. It may not even be that you're looking at like hiring them yet. But you're just aware of that coming. And so you're paying a little more attention to how are you documenting the related processes? Or are your systems really the best that they could be? Maybe you, you engage a consultant to help you streamline your system so that by the time you are ready to hire, you're doing it proactively and the person is coming into a good situation.

Michele  08:43

Right? I have I have a podcast called Begin with the End in Mind. And I'll put that in the show notes because it talks about exactly that thing. Where are you going to be in a year? Where are you going to be in six months? What do you need? And then let's back into it, because that gives us an idea of timing, financials, not just financials to get me out of the hole, right? Financials that can be sustainable for the company. I like that totally.

Sandra Halling  09:09

Yeah, not, you know, I'm gonna use the P word procrastinating. That process can really save you, you might end up investing more in the business, but it's the type of investment that you're gonna get a return on as opposed to like, having to hire some, some like someone quickly, not being able to like interview thoroughly, not being able to test the work that you need to have done and make sure they're a good fit. All those kinds of things kind of play together. And then the second thing you talked about was like buffer after your vacation and we talk about this all the time in the community, even to the point of scheduling buffer before vacation, so I took off in August. I planned two full weeks with weekends on either end and I did that on purpose, knowing full well that there would be some lingering thing at the end that was going to trickle in to the week prior and I knew that what I really wanted was like a solid 10 days, two weeks weekends. And you know, the week in between was maybe a little extra. And it worked brilliantly because I didn't even tell my assistant that I was going to be available. And so by the time that week rolled around, and I was being easygoing, she was trying to protect me and my vacation saying, no, no, no, you don't have to do that. And I'm like, actually, I planned for this was all on purpose. I just didn't tell you. One of those white lies is good for everybody. So anyway, it worked out great, because it gave me the agency in that moment to say this is worth an extra couple of hours these few days, because it will create more ease for the time that I'm going to be away as opposed to leaving it for when I get back, right. But if I hadn't planned that buffer, I wouldn't have had the choice to make, right.

Michele  10:45

Absolutely. And  if possible, I try to do that. Especially, we try to do two weeks every summer together. And some of that second week is certainly coming back and trying to get my feet back under me before I work with clients again. But even like Thanksgiving, if we have Thanksgiving coming, I usually take off of course, the Friday after but I'd take off the Wednesday before so that I can really start to wind down I don't know about you, but I have to have a winding down to be able to enjoy it. And I think we hear this so often where people say it takes me four or five days into my vacation before I can even rest. Now some of that I get I'm type a high energy and let's go kind of person. But I also know that this past summer, my husband and I went on our vacation, and I was able to relax quickly. And we had had a horribly stressful year this past year, we've had, you know, a cancer diagnosis, we ever had a whole lot of challenges. But I think the reason that I was able to do that Sandra is to your point, I had built a couple of days. And we it was around July 4, but right after, so based on the way all the holiday hit, I had a few days that I was able to pack over more than one day, I was able to jump in and answer questions, make sure my staff was okay, make sure my clients were okay. Make sure that those lingering work things, as you mentioned, were done. And so by the time we left, it was almost like I had already gotten one or two days of vacation as a staycation in my home office and in my home. So that when I went I didn't go with this, oh my gosh, I didn't get it done. I didn't go with this, I left this client and answered, I didn't go without really having a firm idea and plan in place. And it made it like I was able to relax fast, which Maslin was like, Okay, this is so not normal. And it was the buffer in advance. So I'm so thankful that you brought that up.

Sandra Halling  12:53

Yeah, the thing that I like to offer sort of like a practical aspect of buffer time is that I think it comes in different flavors. So if there's the buffer that we're talking about, which is space before and after vacation, that's one version of it. Another version of buffer is sort of space between meetings even right, so like, with podcast interviews, I always put 30 minutes of buffer before, so that I have plenty of time to like, just get myself settled, make a cup of herbal tea, like grab a notebook and just be really ready and centered when the interview starts. And then so that's another kind of buffer. Two more types, I like to think of our overflow and transition. So overflow buffer to me is like you have a big project and or some sort of thing that you're trying to wrap up, and you're inching toward it. Those are the weeks where I feel like having extra overflow is good. Like it's good to have overflow regardless. So that whatever you didn't, you weren't able to get done in the amount of time that you allotted, you can plug into that overflow space, if you're planning your week so tightly that there's no overflow at all, that's when we start to I think people start to fall behind on their, their tasks, their to do list. So there's having overflow in general, but then particularly when you have big projects where like at the end of the year or whatever. So like we're not traveling for Christmas this year. And I have that whole week right before Christmas, where I'm not doing client calls but I'm not worried about whether I'm off or not that is sort of my overflow to like wrap things up, could tie off the year and make sure that I like really can rest the week between Christmas and New Year's before we come back. And then the last type is the transition which is it's a block I put between events that require sort of like different types of thinking or different roles I'm playing so like between finishing work like finishing being at my computer and like being with my partner and doing home things. I need like a half an hour of transition time right and I imagine that would be true. Like if you have little kids or whatever, like having that block to say, I'm not doing this thing anymore, but I'm not really ready to do the next thing yet either. That can be so grounding for your nervous system so that you're doing both things with intention, you're not like racing to finish so that you can get to the next one. And you're not diving in while your head is still processing the thing you were doing 10 minutes ago.

Michele  15:23

And I think that's self care, right? Simply because having raised children, having had a business that required me to go from, like a sales position, and a design position to all of a sudden, I'm in an engineering position, or I'm in a financial, you know, way of working, those changes happen. I mean, I've got working on my business, I've got working with my clients, I've got podcasting and I have a software program like my brain jumps all the time. And building that time in there, I think about going to the doctor's office, right. And they don't build in those transitions, they don't build any overage, they don't build any time, I got to the dentist the other day for an 8:45 am appointment, I like to make them right after lunch. Or I like to make them first thing in the morning because that's right before their buffer right. And I'm let me come in get in get out. Her eight o'clock ran so long, that by the time she came into my office, we could not do my procedure and get me out and home in time, I had created a buffer to go. But her overrun with this client and their needs was passed what mine was, so I made the decision to say I cannot stay I have to leave and I have to go. But at least I had built in enough and I knew where my buffer cut off to keep me in a good place. For the next thing I between every coaching call put a 30 minute buffer, sometimes I get that 30 minutes, I can check email, I can get ready for the next thing. And sometimes one coaching call bumps right up to the next. And but at least when that happens, we both know that we're in the buffer zone, like we know that we have crossed the line and are in the buffer zone. So that we have to if we have to wrap it up we can, I can remember scheduling coaching calls or scheduling installations or scheduling design calls too closely. And it did nothing but create chaos in my heart. And in my mind, you talk about calming your nervous system. I've been doing some research lately, on the vagus nerve and all these things to calm your nervous system. Again, I'm high energy I'm high going. And so what it does is it keeps things amped up naturally, unless I learned to slow and calm them down. And even with children, I used to always get so frustrated because we go get in the car, we went all the way to the pumpkin patch one time my kid went with no shoes. I'm like, Okay, now you have to go walk around this entire pumpkin patch like and that's not a fun place to walk around. But we're here and it's an hour away from our house. So you're walking in your socks, because you didn't bring your shoes and like I'm sorry, you know, I'll carry as much as I can. But this is where we are because I don't know what else to do. But what I started to realize Sandra was I was overscheduling my kids and myself, I don't mean overscheduling them for activities. I mean, overscheduling my day to day, instead of thinking this three and five year old can be ready to go in five minutes, I needed to give them 20 I needed to give myself 20 Do you find that the business owners, the entrepreneurs and those that you support? I mean, I know we're all trying to get a lot done every one of us. But I'm sure that you find that over commitment. And that over the to do list on the task list is too long. And we're trying to do it too quickly. So that we're jam and ourselves up. And by the end of the day, we have nothing like we are exhausted.

Sandra Halling  18:51

Yeah, getting to the end of the day and feeling depleted, as opposed to feeling like satisfied. It's a very different feeling. Write that down. Yeah, I think some people would say, you get to the end of the day, and you might feel depleted and satisfied. And then if it's not such a good day, maybe you feel drained. That could be another word that I hear a lot from clients, right? So I think, semantics, I bring up the semantics because they matter because that can be your early warning sign, you know, at two or three o'clock in the afternoon like, am I feeling depleted and satisfied right now? Or am I actually starting to inch toward feeling drained? And can I pause here and one of the things we do in my community is these daily check ins right? So we have focused blocks where people call in for a half an hour we're very introvert friendly. So cameras off and there's just a really short like three to five question. Check in process that we do independently in our own systems to help you reorient to your day. And I give the templates away for free. So if people are interested in the journal templates, you can find them through the show notes And so this this process of slowing down that you mentioned, that is a key piece, I think in this whole puzzle to prevent that feeling of overwhelm, because most of us that are like Type A go getters always got something new cooking. Like we're gonna die with a To Do A stitches how that's, that is right at my to do list. Another sweater. Yeah, but like, that's just how it's gonna be. So that put it into a lot of perspective and just saying, Hey, what is the the next version of myself that I'm inching towards? What is the future identity of Sandra and and how am I going to get from where I am to that version? And pointing my ship in that direction is sort of how I approach my planning process and by reorienting to that, I'm also able to decide with a little more discernment. What am I saying yes and no to how am I triaging this to do lists, so it isn't just straight up a list of other people's priorities, but it actually is aligned with my bigger picture goals. And that's why we call it aligned productivity, you're aligning your daily actions with the bigger picture.

Michele  21:07

So before we jump right into that you made you use the word as we're talking semantics and words, you use the word at the beginning that I use a lot as well. And that is intention. And my my course is Aimed with Intent, right? So it's about creating a scalable company, creating it with an intention, and then working all things towards that intention, right, begin with the end in mind. That's why we're very much on the same path as we look at that. And I think one of the big things that we've actually been talking about or talking around without naming exactly, is being intentional with ourselves, right, because we first have to be intentional with ourselves to be intentional with our business. And you had made a couple of statements with things like know yourself checking in. That's been big for me too, even though I've been in I mean, I've been in this world a long time, and I've been running my own company for 20, I'm going into my 23rd year, is being able to listen to myself with kindness. You also said at the beginning that everybody thinks that we've heard that old adage, either that the client is always right. And that's not true. If you have owned the business or been in business for any amount of time, you know, that's not true. The difference is the client is powerful. The client is not always right. But the client is powerful. But so are we. And so what we're trying to do is learn to balance the power. And we're also doing those check ins, I'm now stopping and asking myself questions like, Michele, do you feel okay with this? Michele? Was this going to move you from ease to disease, which is lack of ease? Where is this? Where is this taking you? Is this within boundaries that you think are healthy for you and for the company, and ultimately, for the client? You know, just like a young child can ask for ice cream every night, because that's so what they want, I want ice cream and ice cream, it doesn't mean that it's good for them. And I think sometimes we allow clients or those that we're working with, or even ourselves to ask for something that we think we want slash need, and it might not be good for us. And so doing that own personal kind of check in I love that you do that in your community. But doing that check in allows us to Okay, wait a minute, what am I hinging this on? What am I what this is predicated upon? What am I going to do with this? And do I need to go there? Like, is it really going to be good for me at the end of the day? Or do I think it's just good for me right now. So talk about if you will send her how you hope manage aligning even that, because because if we even have that gut check, or that self check, it is with the intention of meeting a different of meeting some goal, right? Not just where I am now. But where am I now for what I need to do next? Or what's coming next. So can you talk about how you kind of connect that overarching here is the big strategy. Now, what do I need to do in the moment and in the next few moments to connect to that?

Sandra Halling  24:09

Yeah, so there's a couple of pieces. I mentioned earlier, the idea of having a future identity. And I think that's a really important component of it. The other thing that I talk about is the difference between goals and states. And so goals, to me are outcomes. They're metrics, they're clear, they're specific, you know, when you've got them, whereas a state is like an emotional state. So it could be something like I am brave, right? Or I am conscientious. And we use those types of states to help support the future identity. They're framed like a future identity, the bigger picture future identity might be, you know, I'm a successful business owner with gross revenue of X dollars or whatever, like that might be the future identity. Okay, well, how is that person that future version of yourself actually behaving? What do they believe about themselves right now? out. And then. So it's great to have the metric, like, I want to have X number of sales calls or this much revenue, those are all great, but they're often lag indicators, they show up after the fact. So you only have so much control over that. Whereas if we look at the tasks that we're doing through the lens of the identity, that I'm brave, or I'm conscientious, sometimes that can create a lot of clarity and also a lot of freedom. Because for some people, a lot of the people in my community, you know, there's a fair number of them who are either neurodiverse, they have ADHD, or they have some sort of chronic health challenge to, which makes the traditional planning and productivity like extra hard. And so creating, like a positive self concept, boosting self esteem, increasing the confidence that they too, can do hard things, even if it doesn't always feel that way, really goes towards allowing them to have that future identity, be clear about that state, the emotional state that's going to help support the best decisions. And then that leads them to, again, deciding what tasks are next in terms of achieving that goal.

Michele  26:08

I love the whole idea of future identity there, you've probably I'm sure you've probably seen the book, Atomic Habits. I love that book. And, you know, the idea behind that is our beliefs, fuel our intentions. And so what we believe about ourselves kind of puts a barrier, if you will, kind of creates the ceiling of how far we can go and what we can do what we believe about ourselves. And if we believe that we're a warrior, we're going to be your warrior. If we believe that we are brave, we're going to be more brave. If we believe that we have the ability to understand our financials, hint hint, we to everybody listening, then we're going to have the ability to understand our financials. So I think a lot of it comes down for sure to what we believe. I know, I even went through a kind of a big shift in 2019 sitting down and really asking myself, what was my identity? What do I really believe and finding some areas where what I truly believed did not align with what I wanted to believe, or what I thought to, in my mind be true, it had not made the trip right from, from my head to my heart. And so I had to stop and do some work around that to say, What's driving that belief system, because then that's driving my intention that's driving my goal setting is driving what I believe about myself is driving how I care about myself, and even the new work that I'm taking on or not taking on. And so then every day has become a new way of thinking about who am I what do I believe about myself, and then using that to inform my next decision making, right mine had to do in that, in that case a lot with my belief system around being athletic, I never saw myself as athletic. And by not seeing myself as athletic, I was not prioritizing, working out and going to Pilates and doing the things that made me feel better. But once I started identifying as someone who was athletic as an athlete, or athletes get up and go, so if I'm an athlete, I better just get up and go like Bear, it changed my behavior with my own state. And with the goals that I set.

Sandra Halling  28:26

Yeah, I love that. One of the things that reminds me of is, particularly when you mentioned the, you know, the I am a warrior, or I can understand my business, finances, those things that can sometimes feel confronting, or like, you can say them, but you know, you don't believe them yet. Those can be really hard, right? So I just wanted to offer to the listeners a way of sort of approaching that. And what I would say is you break it down to a simple or smaller belief to start so it could be I'm learning to understand my finances. Right. So if you're like an alpha 182 Yeah, exactly, exactly. So like, if that's true, okay, that means I'm going to do what I'm going to spend the time to develop that skill set or that understanding. And then the other piece that you mentioned about you know, connect thing from the head to the heart is, I believe that worthiness enoughness and empowerment are inside jobs, right? Like nobody can give that to you. You have to give it to yourself.

Michele  29:26

You say that again, Sandra, that was good. Yeah,

Sandra Halling  29:29

Worthiness, enoughness and empowerment. I believe that all three of those things are inside jobs. So you you can't No one can give them to you have to give them to yourself. And in order to do that you have to have the permission the permission to believe that you're worthy the permission to believe that you are enough right now as you are not after the next milestone but today, right. And that is what creates the empowerment to say yes or no do the right things. And I think what we're Coaches and Consultants like myself and like Michele come into play or like, we hold up that mirror so that you can start to see yourself more accurately in the lens that we see you where you are worthy and you are enough and you are empowered, and you can do the hard things.

Michele  30:13

It's so funny one of my dear friend, Susan have made a comment about this on the podcast before, one of the things that she said to me when she this was, oh, gosh, oh, this was probably in 2010 that I started this, I started coaching in 2013. So this is probably in 2009 2008 2009. So even before this is before I bought the prior company and all that. And she said to me at lunch one day, she said, Michele, I cannot wait for you to see yourself, the way we all see you. Because you will be a power to be reckoned with. It's kind of like you don't even know what we see in you. There is a power there is an opportunity. There is an I do think you are so right Sandra, like when I'm working with a new client, I get so I'm, I'm happy with all my clients. But that initial moment, right, of looking in and digging in and diving deep and seeing the potential and seeing what's working really well and seeing their superpower. That initial moment is so thrilling for me to be able to say, Oh, my goodness, look, look, look what you've done. I spoke to a a, a deep dive a new client yesterday in a deep dive. And I'm looking at her books. And she's saying things like, I don't really understand my financials. I'm just going with my gut. Her numbers were amazing. She didn't even know how amazing they were. I mean, they were like, Whoa, what are you doing? Amazing, right? To the point that I was like, oh, oh, I hope that your financials are in the right place. Because if everything is in the right place with the bookkeeper and the accountant, this is awesome. Like the opportunity before you, she didn't even know it. And because she didn't know it, even though she was actively doing it already, she didn't have the recognition of already actively doing it. Therefore she couldn't have it as hers. It wasn't, it was still part of her future identity to herself. But it was actually part of what her current identity was that she didn't recognize. And so it was so neat. And it's so fun to be able to, to hold the mirror up, it's also a huge responsibility to hold the mirror up. Because sometimes they're holding the mirror up and what what someone is seeing is not what they want, and not the future identity. But here's what's so cool, I use the tag line all the time what you own, you can change. If you own it, you can change it. So if you own this is my current identity, my current state, my current goals, my current strategy, my current, whatever it is fill in the blank house here, like I can change that. So if this is not serving me now, and it's not serving me later, than I need to identify what will serve me, my community, my clients, you know, my bank accounts, and then we can align back to that, like that future person that future identity. The first time I did that exercise that was 29, 30, it was miserable, is miserable. Like I was looking at who I had become just out of my own some of the decisions I had made. And I thought I don't want to be this person. I don't want to be this person. So I went through even a personal exercise of I said that I was going to be like 85 or 90. And the next I'm going to be on my deathbed. But this is the woman that I want to be like I started personally, this is the woman that I want to be, this is what I want my friends to be able to say about me. So what I want my clients and those I've worked with and supported and loved and to say, this is what I want like my sister and my husband and my children and my mom and dad to be able to say about me. Then I did the mirror and my her. And the answer was in some cases, yes. In some cases, no. So then I started thinking, what do I need to do daily now at 32? B her at 85 and 90? And do I want to wait to that last year to be hurt? No. So I got to start being her now. And it it. It was such an eye opening and heart opening experience for me that I still do check ins to see if I'm getting closer to the 80 year old or 85 year old Michele, that I want to be.

Sandra Halling  34:37

I love that. There's so much in there, particularly with the looking ahead to your future self, you know when you're much much older. There's an interesting exercise where you can like write a letter to your current self from the perspective of the older self and that can be really insightful too. So I'll throw that out for people to consider. And then there were two Other things that I thought of while you were sharing the story. The first is I wanted to normalize, I can tell that like financials is a big piece of your coaching and like something that you support community with, and avoidance and procrastination are way more normal than people think it is. Because it's society, we don't talk about money. And so no one knows what anybody else is doing. So avoidance and procrastination, if you're if you're in that boat, and you're feeling guilt, or even shame about it, just know that you're not alone. It really is, okay, you can get yourself out of the situation that you're in. And to Michele's point, like, until you lean into it, and you uncover what's really there, you might not be in as bad of shape as you think you could be in amazing shape, if you don't know how to read your numbers. Well, and that brings me to my second point, which is all of the things we're talking about today can be really confronting. And, and that's just something that needs to be acknowledged, I think, but it also, it is why having a coach or a consultant or a community, like align productivity that can witness you when things are good, and witness you when things are hard, is so valuable. Like we we use the word community a lot. And it doesn't, I don't think everyone fully understands the meaning like I, when I say it, I mean shared values. So there is more of a deeper alignment, like, you can't have shared values with the 3 billion people on Facebook. So social media is not a community, you know what I mean? That's why we need to, I think, intentionally choose where we're going to spend our time like, who are the five people you're spending your most time with that kind of thing? Like, who are the 150 people you're spending the most time with? What is your larger community look like? And are they lifting you up? Right?

Michele  36:45

Well, and I love that you're talking about them seeing you, because that's the same kind of thing that we're building at Scarlet Thread, right? As we're building this community, it's so interesting. Every time I bring a group of people together, we brought about 45 people together at our two day workshop. And I had, I think nine people at my elite retreat. And every time somebody comes up to me and says, are multiple somebody's come up and say, We are all very different. But we're so alike. We're so alike. How do you Michele keep pulling together this group of people that is so supportive, I mean, to the point that people are willing to stand up and say, This is what I did, or this is what happened, or this is where I screwed up. And then yesterday, this is where I succeeded. This is where I've doubled my revenue. So there's that safety for both. And it's so funny that you say it, Sandra, because what I say to them is, I only work with people whose values align with mine, it doesn't mean we have to do all the same things make all the same decisions. But deep down, our values align. And so if you are all coming to me, and I am making sure that you align with me, then we all align with each other. And that's when you know that that's it doesn't mean we have the same opinions, right? It doesn't mean that. But what it means is like kindness, abundance is one of mine to make sure that people get more than they can ask or imagine, from working with me not like I'm holding back and stingy. So if I'm giving like that, then I am attracting people who give like that. And so then when we're in the group, and somebody says I need help somebody's healthy. But I want to say this, you're one of the things in the information that came to me was you talking about this negative loop and shame. And when you are in a safe community, it doesn't mean like I say, you're going to put all your you know, underwear drawer out there for everybody. But it does mean that there is a safety in some level of sharing at the right time. And after you have proven safety like I would never ask anybody to just walk in and start, start saying stuff. But when you have proven that there is safety and you feel safe, there is a sharing that does allow you to even hold up your own mirror, or to put things out there that maybe you're not necessarily proud of or that you want to do again. But you're doing it in a way that allows you to get support and to be loved and to be seen and heard from a different perspective. And that changes things that normalizes mistakes, and failures. And you know why we have this idea that everything has to be perfect all the time. I don't even know where it came from. I remember somebody saying to me one time I knew it was it was child psychologist when we were doing some testing for our son. She said, Michele, it is so weird that that through 12th grade, we expect a student to have great grades in every subject. Yet the minute they go to college, we say you can't be great and everything. So choose a direction and then we want you to be great just in that one direction. But prior to that they have been told that you got to be great and everything like it's this weird mixed message that we're made so differently. We're going to mess up and so just that community, talk about how we can maybe get our selves out of shame, or how to even recognize it because sometimes it steamrolls is before we even recognize the guilt and the shame. Like we're just such negative self talk, we don't even realize that's what it is.

Sandra Halling  40:11

Yeah, it can be really hard. Sometimes when you're starting out with the mindset work, we do a practice in the community called the weekly review. And it's an hour cowork call on Fridays, where we just sit down and we look at what our wins what we're celebrating for the week. And celebrating is its own sort of rabbit hole where it's like it does not celebrating does not have to be consumerism, or overindulgence celebrating, it's just acknowledging what we saw what happened. And we looked at what worked that week and what didn't, and what made us feel good and how we cared for our, you know, heart, mind, spirit, not just our business or our to do list and then make a plan for the next week and look at what incremental changes we want to make. And it sounds so simple when I describe it that way. But it is profound what people discover, and it's in the consistency and the repetition of the habit, that the things that you weren't totally aware of these like teeny tiny little things that you're doing all the time that actually aren't lining up with the person you want to be or the direction you want to go, they start to become more clear, and you're able to start to shift them. And, you know, you can Google the weekly review, and you'll find lots of versions of it out there. But I've taken the questions and made them I think, more compassionate and more, more aligned for women who have real requirements outside of their regular, you know, day to day business work type responsibilities, like we have little kids and we've got, we just tend to be more family oriented in a general sense. And there's elements there that I don't think are captured, and a lot of the presentations of the weekly review that I've seen. So mine is a lot more like equal parts systematic and tactical in terms of like, what are you getting done, but also relational? Like, how are you caring for yourself? And what does that look like? And we have a fair number of men in the group too. So it's like it works for them, too. It's just the approach is balanced. And it is that slowing down, and being more aware of your thoughts, and not trying to change them dramatically overnight. But you know, like, basically, awareness is the first step to change. So anytime you can slow down and pause and hear what's going through your head. And then the question I always say, when people are struggling, which can be a little jarring, but I think is important. It's like, Would you talk to your kids that way? Would you talk to your best friend that way? Would you talk to your sister that way? And of course, the answer is always no. And then the question is like, Well, why don't we let ourselves talk to ourselves, right? Because no one's going to champion us more than ourselves, right? More than we do. So we have to be the first one to lift ourselves up. And own what our reality is good, bad, indifferent, because I think, you know, it is that like balanced awareness and the truth telling to ourselves, like, the best way out of shame is to pour sunshine on. Right. And so that

Michele  43:08

felt like I talked about pouring grace on ourselves. Pour grace. Yeah, exactly.

Sandra Halling  43:12

It's same stuff, right. And whether that sunshine or grace is like, you know, out in the world, or with a trusted coach, or in a safe community, there's also an element of just doing it with yourself, like being honest with yourself that that is really where it starts.

Michele  43:28

So the idea here is that this is a practice, right? It's not a once and done. This is a habit, it's a practice, it's something that we're thinking about. Some of you may remember, for about three or four years, I put out a planner, and part of that planner was everyday looking at your to do list and going, what can I take off that just doesn't really need to be done? It's what can I delegate? What can I automate that kind of thing? But then it was how do I feel about myself? What is my check in? What am I going to need to do to make myself feel healthy? And when I talk about leaving a balanced life or a centered life, it's what is that to me? You know, what may? What is it that makes me feel good about my life, if I were to say, going out with my girlfriends twice a month to have dinner, I need to put it on my calendar and plan it and then I can make it happen. But it's really going further than just using broad strokes to define things. It's listening to ourselves, as you suggested change or to say, what does that really mean for me, I'll show you a couple of things that I have as my own reminders for who I want to become. This is the future, current and future that I'm working towards. So you can see my stickies here, right. And so one is kinda leader, gracious manager, active listener, decisive action taker and supportive guide. And then the other one is a reminder to myself and to others to be kind to be soft, and to be curious. And when you know, it's so easy for us. For me, I can probably say for most people to give that gift to other people. But like your question, would you speak to your best friend like that? Would you speak to your your child like that? I used to say, would you let somebody work for what you're working for? And do what you're doing for the same pay? Is that same? Are we laying down when we should be standing up and inviting us to look inward for that right to be kind, soft and curious, not harsh and dismissive? Because that's going to lead us more towards I don't want to do anything or shut down or, you know, looking at it as if we're stuck. And we're not stuck. We feel stuck, but we might not be stuck.

Sandra Halling  45:42

Yeah, absolutely. I think the the slowing down and acknowledging that, you know, emotions are not facts, as intense as they can be sometimes. And really giving ourselves that space to decide, you know, how we want to interpret them what narrative we want to tell ourselves because, you know, any given situation, you can, you can spend a positive version of it, and you can spend a harmful version of it. And so, we do look a lot at narratives and sort of writing our history or writing our story in a way that values the choices we made, were made with the best information we had at the time and with the best intentions and building an empowering self concept, essentially.

Michele  46:27

So good. So Sandra, tell everybody where they can find you. Where are you hanging out online? If they want to connect and learn more? Where do they go?

Sandra Halling  46:36

Yeah. So if you're interested in learning more about our community and feeling more productive without the toxic hustle, nonsense, you can find us at feelmoreproductive.com. And on social media @alignedproductivity.

Michele  46:50

Amazing. Well, thank you so much. This is such a fun discussion. And I'm happy that we have a safe place to have it right. Because sometimes there there are conversations that you don't just walk up in half with somebody. And so I hope those that are listening in felt like they were just sitting at a coffee chat and are able to take something away. So I really thank you for all that you brought to the call today.

Sandra Halling  47:11

Yeah, this was lovely. Thank you, Michele. Take care.

Michele  47:15

Thank you so much for joining the podcast today with Sandra, you are able to look into the show notes below and see all of the information that she is sharing with us. And I would also encourage you that if you're interested and taking the next steps forwards to grow and scale your business, give me a call reach out at scarletthreadconsulting.com Apply for a discovery call. You can also if you're really interested in mindset work, check out all of the website information from Sandra. And keep this in mind. Having the right mindset and having the right awareness to keep yourself healthy is actually profitable for your company. And profit doesn't happen by accident. Profit is a Choice is proud to be part of the designnetwork.org where you can discover more design media reaching creative listeners. Thanks for listening, and stay creative and business minded.