088: Seasons of Life and Work
Michele (0:01) Joining me on the podcast today is Alyce Lopez. Alyce owns and operates The True House, which is a full-service interior design firm that specializes in residential design for busy young families. Alyce began her career in interior design after purchasing a fixer-upper with her husband. She described it as a 1950's Rambler. She learned so much, documented it and her business just blew up. She also has young children who are at home, she's a mom, a wife, and a business owner. In our conversation today, we're going to talk about family, seasons, success and what it looks like in different seasons. And then how to pour grace on ourselves because that's a lot to manage. Many of us are probably at home during COVID at this point listening. I can promise you trying to manage to be a teacher, which many of us are now having to do, along with being a business owner, and then a wife, a mom or husband, all of those things kind of combined into one is a load to carry. And so some of us have to carry it all the time and some only during times of business disruption. But regardless, all of this conversation I think will be super helpful and help us prioritize, think about each season, align off priorities and make a plan forward. I hope you enjoyed the podcast.
Michele (2:07) Hey, Alyce, welcome to the podcast today.
Alyce (2:10) Thank you, Michele. Thanks for having me.
Michele (2:13) You are so welcome. I am excited about the topic of our conversation today. You and I were speaking, I don't know, maybe about a month ago, on a different topic. And this one came up and we both were like this would be a great conversation to have, and then to invite other people in to see what they think. So thank you for talking all about having and building a business while trying to raise a family of young people all at the same time. It's a big juggling act.
Alyce (2:44) It is absolutely.
Michele (2:46) Alyce, let's start if you don't mind about the whole business. Tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got started.
Alyce (2:53) Sure. So I got started about four years ago, I had a background in Graphic Design. And that kind of organically led me to interior design. We bought a fixer-upper. And we documented kind of the renovations. I did not know what I was doing at all. But obviously, I had experience in design as far as aesthetics and things like that. I knew that I was passionate about that. I was super excited to buy a fixer-upper and renovate. I wasn't afraid of that. So that just kind of progressed. And I got some people reaching out to me on Facebook or Instagram asking questions and asking if I could help them. And then I just kind of took a leap of faith, not knowing what I was getting myself into. And the business took off a little faster than I thought it would have.
Michele (3:45) When you say it took off... Now tell me this, when you started I'm assuming you started as a home-based business and still are?
Alyce (3:51) Correct. Yes, I have a home office.
Michele (3:53) And did you start when you began working with people that you didn't know or was it family, friends, and acquaintances? And then it started growing out of that?
Alyce (4:03) The first thing that I did was I had a friend of mine who wanted some throw pillows for her living room. And I said, "Sure, let's go shopping together." I was a stay at home mom. So I had the time to do that. And we went out shopping, picked out some pillows and came back and styled her sofa. And then I asked her if she would share photos of the before and after on a Facebook page, a local Facebook page. And she did. And then it just kind of grew from there. I had strangers that were asking me to come to help them and do a consultation. And I said yes. And it kind of grew from there.
Michele (4:45) Okay, so now let me ask you this when you first started, it sounds like you weren't planning for the crazy success that you've had. I'm assuming you didn't go into this with the full-blown business plan. It was more of an organic. "Oh, this sounds fun. I'm enjoying doing this. Let me help you." Is that true? Or when you went to go choose those first pillows with her, did you have a plan?
Alyce (5:09) I did have a plan. It was not a hobby, that's for sure. I didn't know how quickly it would grow or what the financial reward of it would be. But I just thought, we need the money. I had to go back to work. And my kids were like three and five, or two and four because my daughter was not in kindergarten yet. So they were babies and I didn't want to go back to work nine to five. But we were kind of at a place where I needed to do something more. So I did have a website, I created my website myself. I had a plan. I had pricing and all of that. So it wasn't just, "Hey, let me see if this works." It was we really got to make this work or else I'm going back to work nine to five.
Michele (5:56) Okay, okay, good. So when you started with that plan, Alyce, did you have an idea of how many hours you were going to work a week? Or what kind of time investment you were going to be putting into this? Or was it more of a plan on the financial marketing website? Let's see what it turns out to look like over here. Right? What kind of boundaries did you have when you started?
Alyce (6:21) Well, Michelle, my kids were in preschool and money was tight, so they could not go to preschool full time. And I liked having them home with me. So they went to preschool on Tuesday, Thursdays from one to four. And that's when I saw clients.
Michele (6:37) Right. It sounds so much like my story all those years ago, well, 20 years ago now. I started my interiors company when my kids were two and four.
Alyce (6:48) How funny.
Michele (6:49) Yeah, and they're now 22 and 24 or 25 when this comes out, and they were just on the podcast as grownups, as adults. One of them is already totally out of the home and the other graduating from college in a month. I did the same thing. I started working whenever they were in Mother's Morning Out. And my oldest I think was in like a four-year-old preschool. And so my hours to work with clients was whenever I had child care. Then over the years, it expanded as their time away from me expanded.
Alyce (7:26) Sure, yeah, I think clients thought I was really busy because I would tell them, "I only have an appointment on Tuesday at 130." That gave me enough time to drop them off and go drive to the appointment. And then I would say, "Oh, okay, well, I could take you Thursday at 130." I would just pretend like I was really busy. And those were the only time slots that I could have FaceTime.
Michele (7:47) Well, I think no matter what size your businesses, that's not a bad thing to do. Being very clear and identified here's the time that I have available to work with clients. I think it's set up some good boundaries if you will. Even for myself when I knew that I couldn't meet with a client at four o'clock in the afternoon if I didn't have childcare. Or they weren't in their preschool program. And so it made me do a couple of things. I'm curious to see if it did it for you. One, it made me again, very intentional about getting my work done within that time as much as I possibly could. And like I said, My husband has been on the podcast as have the boys. Yes, I had some nights and weekends and extra time. But I did a heck of a lot of my work while they were both being cared for in some type of school program. And so that was good too. It kept me intentional to get it done. But then that carried over once my time and my opportunity to work more expanded. I had already kind of established some really good practices around all of that and I didn't have to then create.
Alyce (8:57) Right? Yeah. 100% We don't see clients as you said... My kids are now five and seven, I'm sorry, seven and nine. Holy smokes, I'm way off. My kids are seven and nine right now. So their bell rings around three o'clock. And I like to be home when they get home. My husband's a school teacher. So we've kind of set up this routine, I take them to school in the mornings, and then he holds on to them in the afternoon. Thursdays are the only day where I take a late appointment. And so I'll make an appointment at four and it's done by 5:30. I'm home by six. Every other day of the week I'm not seeing clients past 4 pm at all, and I don't work weekends, either. Of course, there's the occasional something that comes up, but maybe in the last four years, I've taken two Saturday appointments.
Michele (9:50) Yeah, that's not bad at all. Looking back, I am appreciative of the fact that I had such tight boundaries on my time. I remember even having moments where I would start, I feel guilty that I couldn't meet with a client at a certain time." And then I realized, wait a minute, it is what it is. When I started calling the orthodontist to get an appointment, they didn't feel bad telling me that they didn't work on Fridays. They're like He works Monday through Thursday, here are the times, choose one. And I just chose one and I didn't think anything about it, You call for an appointment for a service provider. They just told me what they had available. And so when I looked back over my kind of career and the way I've done things, I realized it was better for me and better for others. I knew and had set those boundaries around, this is what I have available and this is what I can do. And then just doing the best that I could within that. It sounds like yours has been very, very similar. And then your working day has expanded over the last four years.
Alyce (10:56) Oh my gosh, absolutely. Even when my firstborn was in Kinder, it was like the other one was still in preschool and wasn't in full-day preschool. So it's kind of evolved. And then I remember when the kids both were in school. When I had a kindergartener, and a second-grader, it was like, "Oh my gosh, they're both in school from eight until three." That's so much time to work If you're focused and you're intentional with your time. That's so much time to work.
Michele (11:26) Yeah, I remember it. My husband's like, "Why are you so excited for them to go to school." I'm like, "Well, number one, they can use socialization. I'm so glad that they're going. We're driving each other crazy at home for the summer now." This meant I had expanded work hours and I was excited about what I was doing and I wanted to do it. So okay, when you started this, Alyce, did you have any idea that it would be what it is today in four short years?
Alyce (11:54) No idea. No idea. I mean, I had never worked a job that made this much money, to be honest. I don't want to make it about the money. But this is a Profit First Podcast. But I wasn't expecting that kind of financial reward, I guess. I thought I had worked as a manager for Starbucks for years and had a few other jobs. But I just never knew that this was an option for me as an entrepreneur. I guess I hadn't dabbled in it enough to know that those opportunities were out there.
Michele (12:32) When you started, did you consider yourself to be a part-time business owner? Did that even come into your way of thinking? Or was it just, "I've started a business and here is the time I have to put into it." What was your mindset when you started? Do you remember?
Alyce (12:48) Sure, it was part-time. I think it slowly evolved into what it is today. I think it always worked around the kids in their schedule.
Michele (12:50) So how would you describe it today? Is it still part-time, is it a three-quarter time or just a flex-time job? How would you describe it?
Alyce (13:07) Today I wouldn't say that I... Honestly don't think that I work a 40 hour week, every week. My kids have early release on Fridays. So, Fridays tend to be a half-day. And then this week, for example, we have parent-teacher conferences, so I have to duck out early on my workday. They had an award assembly, so I had to pop out of that. So that takes time out of your week. And I don't typically work nights, so I don't make up the hours that I spend at school with the kids or other things like that. But I'd say I probably put in on average, like 30 hours a week.
Michele (13:45) Okay, so I mean, that's easy, a three quarter time job, right?
Alyce (13:48) Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Michele (13:50) Now, as you have allowed your business to grow, how have you managed to kind of hold the reins back? That was kind of the phrase that you and I were talking about was holding back the reins. Your business could probably do even more than it's doing right now. But you have made along with your husband, a family decision, a conscious decision to recognize that your success is not just in the ability to grow, but then in the ability to be able to be mom and wife in addition to a business owner.
Alyce (14:26) Sure, yeah, that's a tough one. I mean, we can always grow. I had a full-time employee working for me. Last year I had a couple of part-times in the past. Honestly, I go back and forth. I don't think there's a right or wrong. I'm still trying to figure out how I want to move forward. I've kind of plateaued at this point, and I feel like I'm at my max level. So moving forward, do I just want to find contentment in that and sustain this business for a couple more years when the kids are a little bit older. Do I want to commit to hiring somebody here that can help us grow? And what does that look like long term? I don't know, there's a lot of questions to answer there.
Michele (15:14) And so what are some of the considerations that you're thinking about with that? I think an interesting part of our prior conversation was the idea that to grow or to scale, it needs to look one way or another way. And there's this continuum, right. So you're a growth could be in streamlining your processes and streamlining, the things that you do to be more efficient. Now you can take more work than you could have taken before. You also can raise your rates and you can make more money without having to work more. Scaling could be moving out of your home and having space. Scaling could be hiring someone or hiring multiple someone's. It could even be just working less and making more you know what I mean? There are so many ways that we can look at it. I guess my overriding question to you is, what do you think are the top one or two things that inform your decision making? Or that had the bigger weight in your decision making?
Alyce (16:19) Well, I'd say definitely my family and just the season that we're in right now. I don't want to compromise the time that I have with them. And it's not just when you've got these big stressful projects, or you're running a million miles a minute, it's hard to turn that off on the weekends when you're connecting with your family or friends or whatever. So I feel like I have to keep that in check. And obviously, there are seasons. There are times when it does feel that way, and I'm stressed out. We say hey, "Let's book a little weekend getaway and like turn everything off and connect as a family again." So Yeah, I don't know that there's one way or another.
Michele 17:05 Yeah, and I agree with you. I don't think there is. Do you find that you and your husband sit down and have these conversations? My husband and I would sit down and we had a conversation. How do we want our children to come home from school? Do we want me to be there? Do we want someone else to be there? Do we want them to be an after school program?
Alyce (17:24) Right.
Michele (17:24) We would have a conversation, "How much money do we need? And what are we willing to do to earn that money? What are we not willing to do? How do we want our time, mine and his to be handled for after work? How do we want to spend our time on the weekends? What do we want our family to remember? What are we willing to have and not have?" Even as far as the things that money could buy, or the homes that we might live in. Cars that we might drive? We very much sat and talked about... I guess in a way understanding that there's a trade-off to everything. If he or I were... I mean, I could have gone back into corporate at any point and chose not to. If both of us had chosen to work jobs like we were working right before I came home. We leave at six and seven in the morning, come back home at seven at night. There is not as much opportunity to get to all of those kid events. Other people were helping us in the raising of our children. Not that there's anything wrong with any of that, but it wasn't what we wanted. And I'm just curious if you and your spouse have sat down and had these full, long conversations. What do we want it to be like in our home? And what are we willing to do together and not willing to do. I know you two you said, You're already working it out together for the both of you.
Alyce (18:45) Right.
Michele (18:46) And I know I just had the Corals... Chandler and Jeremy on. They were having a conversation about trying to... They own their company together and they have a little one. How they're trying to manage life and business and the intentionality of the conversation.
Alyce (19:06) Absolutely, I'm just I feel blessed because we see eye to eye, my husband and I see eye to eye on a lot of stuff. So, for example, we decided recently that we were going to refinance our house down to a 15-year mortgage. And that's important to us as to where our money goes and how we spend it and what that means as far as how that impacts our lifestyle or whatever. Same thing with the kids. We like that the kids get to come home after school or that mom picks them up or mom drops them off. That's important to us. We do enjoy taking a vacation at least once a year. I need to work so that we have the finances to pay for that kind of stuff. We want to live debt-free. That's also important to us. So I think a lot of the decisions we make around my business, Yeah, we talked about those kinds of things. What does that mean long term for our family and our finances and the years to come?
Michele (20:08) Yeah, that sounds very much like what we have done as well. I think you and I've talked about this, we're both big Dave Ramsey fans.
Alyce (20:15) Yes.
Michele (20:18) We have chosen to live debt-free. It makes us show up differently in the world than we would otherwise. And so having to kind of, in some ways, make peace with those decisions and what we're doing and how we're doing it. But I can tell you there's certainly freedom in it. Even though it's not... What is it Dave says, "Live like nobody else today, So later you can live and give like no one else.
Alyce (20:42) Later, yeah. Tomorrow, yeah.
Michele (20:44) Yeah. And so there is a freedom in it. We're blessed that both boys are getting ready to be out of college. We're debt-free from that. They're debt-free from that and we can now keep moving in our lives without feeling that we have this weight of hundreds of thousands of dollars that we have to pick up or that they have to pick up. And so that came with a lot of intention, many years before them going off to school. And so one of the things that I'm curious about is sometimes in the media, in social media, in certain settings, I think it's gotten better today. But there's this idea, that success, and we'll talk about it even just within our industry.
Alyce (21:28) Mm-hmm.
Michele (21:29) That success is kind of qualifying, quantified by X number of dollars. You have to have X number of staff, you've got to have space outside of your home, you know what I mean? They're these...
Alyce (21:40) Yes.
Michele (21:41) There's this idea that there is a very narrow definition of success. And I don't feel like that at all. I don't think the definition is narrow. Tell me what you think about that. And then I want to talk about the guilt if you will, or the second-guessing that comes from kind of hanging out on social media too much. What do you think about the narrow definition of success
Alyce (22:06) Sure. Yeah, I think it's interesting. We glorify busy. I mean, that's kind of something I've been thinking about. Like, it's so great to be busy. I'm busy. How are you? I'm busy, when busy is not always good. And there are seasons for everything. For me every year, right around January, February, March is my slowest time of year. And sometimes I panic and I'm like, "Oh, my gosh, busy, I need to get more jobs." And then I think, "This is such a great time to work on my processes. To work on curating my social media, making a plan for that, or working on brand collaborations. Doing other important things." And especially in our industry, you have to stay inspired. If you're like, on that hamster wheel all the time. It's really hard to have vision and creativity. So I think those slower seasons are great. You have to determine what success means to you. And I think when I first got into the industry, I was like, I just wanted to know like, what is everybody doing? How much money is everybody making? Like how do I know that I've made it? How do I know that I'm legitimate and that I belong here? And I think I'm slowly coming to a place of like, what works for me may not work for you. And only I can define what success is. And for me, it's to live a life with no regrets. I want to look back and say, I remember taking the kids out for ice cream on Fridays because it was an early release. I remember hosting cocktails and the front porch for the neighbors on the weekends. I want to have a meaningful life and our work could be gone tomorrow, but relationships and family are so much more important to me. That doesn't mean that I don't give my work 100% and that I don't love What I do, I think it impacts that even more. So I'm very intentional when I design to create spaces that embrace that sense of community and connection. I create rooms for family time and large tables for Friendsgiving and large coffee tables for Scrabble, all of that stuff. But I truly think that as an individual and a part of a family, you have to determine what success means to you.
Michele (24:30) I love that. Also, I think that we have equated busy with worthy.
Alyce (24:36) Mm-hmm.
Michele (24:37) Not just with success, but kind of that even deeper meaning of it, "I'm worthy or I'm okay." So being equally okay with saying, "You know what, I'm not swamped. I'm not super busy. I'm as busy as I want to be." Yet and being okay in that. What's so interesting to me is all of the businesses that I'm coaching, I don't even know one of them that said to me, "I am not busy." What they're all saying to me is, "Help me create whitespace. Help me create time to focus. Help me create this time to breathe." And I know even in my own 20 years of self-employment if you will, I've fallen into the trap of thinking that my business was great because I was busy. Not realizing that that busyness was it for me, was way over-busy, and it was killing me. It was killing me. I was having major health issues and didn't even know it.
Alyce (25:42) Yeah.
Michele (25:43) And it was from the stress and the overwork and the striving, striving, striving. We cannot run our businesses... I do not believe that... There's something about the hustle and when to hustle. But we don't need to be, what I call on the Soul Cycle all day, every day. There is no way if our business was a Peloton, we could not be on it every single day, all day. We would be exhausted. We would be dragging. We would not be effective. And so we have to take a chance to take a step back from the Peloton, right?
Alyce (25:46) Right.
Michele (25:48) We can not be on that thing... I can't cheer you on, to stay in that type of environment to go, go, go, go-go, it is not good. And it is not healthy for us. Yet I think that in some strange way. We have equated like you mentioned all of that with success, or to my point are worth.
Alyce (26:37) Right, yeah and it's the comparison. We all fall into it. And I think I've had to step back and go, "Everybody has a different life circumstance. Not everybody has children. Some people are taking care of their grandparents or their parents. Some people have gone through a traumatic loss recently. Some people have gone through a huge move. We're all going through different things in life and you don't know based on a professional photo on an Instagram feed, what's behind that story." And I think we need to be better about that. I know I'm trying to be better about that. Being vulnerable and talking about the real struggles and it's not always easy. There are seasons where I've gone to the ER with a migraine. You learn. You're like, "Okay, listen to the red flags, don't take those clients. You live and you learn, it's not always perfect. And I think there is value in learning how to turn it off and be able to leave your work and move on and be present with the things that are important to you.
Michele (27:48) I absolutely agree. I couldn't have said it better. And what I'm looking for out of my business has changed over the years. Like you when it first started. I was looking for a way to express my creativity. I was looking to make what I would call side hustle money. I knew that it was not full time because I had a two year old four-year-old like I was thinking it would be full time. It ended up quickly taking more like the 25 to 30 hours when I was thinking it might be 15 to 20. So it certainly expanded. And I was doing some nights and weekends because they were so little after my husband came home. My idea of what I needed the business to do for me and our family started in one direction. And then over the years, it has grown and it has expanded. And I know two things that I always said... This was when I sent my first kid off to college. Rob Lowe had done some type of an article, he was sending his son off to college as well. And one of the things he said was, "Never compare your insides to somebody else's outsides."
Alyce (28:57) Mm-hmm.
Michele (28:58) Right. So never look and think about internally what's going on with you and compare it to the highlight reel that others put out.
Alyce (29:04) Right.
Michele (29:04) That's always been a good reminder for me. And the second thing is... I even read it like on a Toby Mac meme today, Something like, "Be careful not to judge other people for their choices. You don't know the options they had to choose from."
Alyce (29:17) Exactly. Yeah.
Michele (29:18) I think that a lot of times when we're looking at it, I know what our need for my business is, and the family. I don't know what other people need from their business. I also don't know what they're willing to give up, or what they're willing to trade-off because we all are making trade-offs all day, every day for what we think is important or not important. And so I don't know that we're not always sharing that. Yeah, you can have this awesome business and you're working 65 hours a week and you've got 14 nannies and you never see your family. If we knew all of that, we might make a different choice. We might make the same one if we had to.
Alyce (29:58) Yeah.
Michele (29:58) We just don't know the whole circumstances.
Alyce (30:01) We don't. Yeah, you don't know the story and why. Some people may need to work nights and weekends because of your finances. You need to clean some stuff up or get out of debt or who knows. When we were young and we wanted to get out of debt. I worked at a Montessori. During my lunch hour, I would teach ballet classes. And then when I left the Montessori and I was working at a chiropractor, I would still drive on my lunch break to teach those ballet classes at the Montessori. I was working so many jobs. And my husband was doing the same thing because we wanted to be debt-free, but that was a season. And I think like you said, "You can't be on the bike 24/7." You have to know when it's served its purpose, and it's time to move on.
Michele (30:45) Right. The other thing I always wanted to do as we talked about this whole balance. And all of this is really about having profitable lives. Right. And like you said, you are extremely blessed. You have excellent business. You're making good money. But it's not just all about that. It's about that and a combination with having profitable relationships like you've described. Profitable communication with your family. I mean, there's so much more to be profitable in than just the finances. We want that but we don't want that at the expense of everything else, right? And so as you've done that, have you found anything that you can share that has helped you with the balance? Or how do you turn it off? Or you know, just anything that you can offer that might help somebody who's like, "Oh my gosh, I'm in a similar situation. How do I do that?"
Alyce (31:38) Yeah.
Michele (31:38) Do you limit your time on social media? Right. There so much that sucks us in
Alyce (31:41) Totally. Yeah, I do. I try. Well like it at night, I flip my phone down or I'll turn on the night mode so I don't get all the alerts. So I'll do that so that I'm not on my phone 24/7. I try to plan my social media ahead of time so that I can just post it and not post it and go through all he feed or whatever. But I also think it's important to connect with other people on social media as well. But I'm guilty. My daughter sometimes calls me an Instagram head. I'm like, "What did you just call me?" Because she sees me on my phone. I think for social media, I try to not be on it once the kids are home. There's the occasional time that I hop on or on the weekends. Or if I'm capturing content and the kids are home, then obviously, I'm on it. But I try not to engage a ton on social media when the kids are home. And when the kids are the age that mine is, it's like they come home and they get their own little break that can watch TV for a little bit. So I try to like, "Okay, if they're going to be on their device, I'll be on mine for 30 minutes." And then it's like I have to be present because the homework has to be done. My husband has been great recently. He started cooking dinner last year. So that was like a huge transition. So I think, as a woman sometimes, like that was always my responsibility. And that was a hard transition for me to just accept that and say, "You know what, you're way better at this than me." And that's okay. And he's a teacher. So the last thing he wants to do his homework with the kids. It works out great that he comes home, and he cooks dinner, and then I work on the homework with the kids, because I haven't seen them. They've been at school all day. So we try to have a pretty good routine. And I think about the boundaries. The scheduling, I use Acuity scheduling, which I think is what you use, as well. And that's great because you can set your hours on there and so I really can't take appointments outside of that. You cannot book a weekend appointment on there or an evening appointment. So having those boundaries in place ahead of time, I think it helps. It doesn't put you in a situation where you feel like you've compromised one thing over the other.
Michele (33:58) Yeah. I think sometimes having to have those hard stops...
Alyce (34:02) Mmhmm
Michele (34:02) ..helps us do that, right. When I had to pick the kids up from school, there was no way I could work a few extra minutes. I had to go get into the carpool line, right?
Alyce (34:12) Yeah, exactly.
Michele (34:13) And, so in some ways that was helpful. Like you, I use my calendar, even now. I've gotten better about it. I have to even type in the word lunch because I can easily blow right through lunch and then I will have a string of afternoon events that I can't even get to it. And I was laughing that you commented that your daughter was kind of picking on you for being on Instagram sometimes. I know in the podcast, the boys did... I think it was Harrison the oldest? His comment was, "Yeah, we always thought mom just made money playing on Facebook."
Alyce (34:47) Yeah.
Michele (34:48) He would see me on Facebook. But what I was doing was connecting. I was in groups with people. And we just found ways like you to work around it. My husband works in tech and he's willing to come home and help you with the laundry. So all of these things aren't left for me to balance if you will.
Alyce (35:06) Right.
Michele (35:07) It's a family balance. And then as our kids got older, I think I did a podcast about how to get ready for summer when your kids are home, last year.
Alyce (35:16) Oh, yeah.
Michele (35:17) And one of the things that we did even with the kids and I think the boys commented on it was they had chores to do, they had things to do to help out around the house. So that especially during summer, or in those times where I still needed to work.
Alyce (35:32) Right.
Michele (35:32) They weren't sitting around waiting. It helped the entire family to keep moving.
Alyce (35:37) Yeah, absolutely. And what I get, it's different for everybody. As I said, I'm blessed that my husband's a school teacher, and he doesn't travel for work. He's not at the office till 10 pm. And that's where I think you really can't compare yourself to other people because everybody has different advantages and disadvantages when it comes to growing their business. And that has been huge for me. He can hold on to the kids after school for an hour or two so that I can get my work done. So it's just been a really good conversation that he and I have had to kind of figure out what roles we play in this family. How that works. What works for him and what works for me. We trade off sometimes I'm like, "Oh, can you take them this morning? And I'll pick them up like, Is that okay?" And we work around each other. It's been a huge transition going from being a stay at home mom to working. When I was staying at home, all the laundry was clean and folded. The fridge was full of groceries, there was a meal plan. Then all of a sudden my business started picking up. It's like, "Well, we're going to Chick Fil A guys. So definitely you have to give yourself some grace during that period of transition.
Michele (36:50) We're still giving ourselves grace in the period.
Alyce (36:53) Right. It's always ever-changing.
Michele (36:55) It's always.
Alyce (36:56) Yes, there are still so many years ahead of me. I always think I at least have 15 years, I think so there's gonna be a lot of growth and change. What my business is today, I don't think it's gonna be the same five years from now. 10 or 15.
Michele (37:14) Right? Mine hasn't been the same year to year to year. I mean, something's always shifted.
Alyce (37:18) Yeah.
Michele (37:19) I'll tell you one of the fun and interesting dynamics to owning a company like this. Alyce making some of the trade-offs. Which we all make them right whenever they are. I constantly have an opportunity and so to you and others to reevaluate what I'm doing.
Alyce (37:39) Yeah. Right.
Michele (37:39) So because I own it, I don't have to stay in the same way that I started. Right. So I'm not still working 20 years later, around a crazy schedule when I don't even have any kids living at home anymore.
Alyce (37:52) Right.
Michele (37:53) I get to shift and I get to change. It's been cool for me. I kind of felt like there was this wild pack of horses and that I was on the back, holding them back for years because I had other things that were more important to me. Other decisions and choices that were more important to me than letting it run. And then I could remember saying to my husband when our youngest went off to college. It might have been his senior year, I said, "I'm starting to let out the reins. And I'm just telling you, that when I do this next year when he leaves..." I went through the same kind of feelings of sadness and all of that when our youngest went off to school. There was excitement there too because it meant that I got to spread my wings and do something that I had intentionally not been doing because I wanted our family to look a certain way. And then when I did it, oh, my goodness. I've now had to put limits on myself to stop working and to stop doing it because I loved it so much. I was enjoying it. It was almost like being let out and told you can finally go run the race. Right.
Alyce (39:04) Right. And how awesome that we have a job that we love. I told my husband the other day, the same thing I said, "I'm getting antsy. I feel like I want to grow. I want to do something. I don't know what that looks like. But then I have to reevaluate. I'm like, "Is it time yet? Is it time yet?" And it might be baby steps.
Michele (39:21) Yes.
Alyce (39:22) But you do kind of feel that way when you're a go-getter, a hustler. Have you done that Enneagram test?
Michele (39:31) I've done it two or three times.
Alyce (39:33) Okay. What are you? What number are you?
Michele (39:35) I don't know.
Alyce (39:36) Okay, so I'm a three. I'm an Enneagram three.
Michele (39:39) I think I'm a three.
Alyce (39:40) It's achiever.
Michele (39:42) That's me.
Alyce (39:43) Yep. That's me. So
Michele (39:45) The first time it came back with a one and a three and the second time it came back as a three.
Alyce (39:49) Yeah, the one is the perfectionist.
Michele (39:50) When I've read it...Yeah, I'm not a perfectionist. Yeah, I'm pretty much more of a three.
Alyce (39:55) Well, I got similar to you. I got a three and a one. But the distinction for me was that one wants everything done perfectly and a three just wants to get all the tasks done as efficiently as possible. And that might mean cutting corners sometimes. And I'm like, "That's totally me. I'm all about efficiency and let's get this done. And I walk into something and I'm like, "This could have been done better and here are the steps to do it."
Michele (40:17) Yeah.
Alyce (40:19) Yeah, down to the T. So I feel like that makes it very difficult to like, rein it in and slow it down.
Michele (40:27) It is, it is even in Strengthsfinder, my top strengths are maximizer, achiever, and strategist. I constantly have my list. I don't stop until it's completely done. I'm not like three-quarters of the way to get it done. I get it done, wrapped up with a bow, checked off and move on.
Alyce (40:46) Right.
Michele (40:47) I'm going to clear it from my brain and because I'm constantly looking for ways to improve, it's the maximizer piece. I want to keep moving and going.
Alyce (40:55) Yeah.
Michele (40:56) I struggle sometimes with rest.
Alyce (41:01) Yes, yes.
Michele (41:02) Self-imposed rest, sitting down and doing nothing. And it's so funny. My family will say, "Mom, you just need to sit down to rest. And you just need to chill." And so I'll sit down and I will tell myself, "Michele, you need to chill. We're going to have a chill session. Come on, let's turn on the TV, let's chill.
Alyce (41:19) Yeah.
Michele (41:20) I can either find myself sitting with my phone and my husband's like, "What are you doing? 'Like I'm watching TV.' Like you have your phone here. 'I'm doing both.'"
Alyce (41:26) Yeah, multitask. Maximize.
Michele (41:29) And so, but if I ever stop everything and really chill, then here's what I get. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" Well, I'm like "Come on people. You told me I needed to chill."
Alyce (41:41) Right. Yeah.
Michele (41:42) "I'm chilling. Let me chill." And then I turn around and go, "Forget it. I can't do it." So I get up and go do something else. But I have had to learn and I'm continuing to learn if I'm honest, how to be done. How to walk away. How to limit, because I don't have those external forces limiting me like I did when I was raising my family. And so now the thing that makes me stop is my husband has readjusted his workday.
Alyce (42:10) Mm-hmm.
Michele (42:10) So where his company was located. He would leave at 7 am and come back in at 7 pm. So I had a very long day working. He wasn't here. So it didn't matter. The kids were here...
Alyce (42:22) Right, right.
Michele (42:23) ...me and two little dogs, getting work done.
Alyce (42:25) Yeah.
Michele (42:26) And so now though, he's shifted his day, and he gets in between five and 5:30. And that has made a big difference. And so I go to work earlier, but I'm doing my best to be off between five and 5:30 when he comes in so that we can work out, grab dinner or do whatever. Have time together in the day instead of me sitting in here another hour or two.
Alyce (42:47) Yeah, I tell my husband, I'm like, "Can you text me," because he comes home at different times of the day. Sometimes he might get home at 4:30 or five or 5:30. And I tell him, "I need a text when you're on your way home because I need to mentally start to disconnect from work." Because the kids come in and they're so excited. They're like, "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, mom." And, I don't want to have an attitude where I'm like, "Hold on guys. I'm finishing this email." And that happens, that happens. But I'm like, "Babe, send me a text so that I can start to close out my workday and I can embrace the kids. I can embrace you with big hugs and kisses."
Michele (43:25) Harrison commented on the boy's podcast. He said that when he started working, he realized that he was able to get in the car, truck and drive home and have that decompression time.
Alyce (43:37) Yes.
Michele (43:38) And he recognized that his dad had it. He said in mom, he said, "What I never realized was you never got it. Because you got up from one room that was your office and walked through the door..."
Alyce (43:50) Yeah.
Michele (43:50) "...And you were mom and wife and we placed demands on you." And I thought for a 24-year old that was extremely insightful.
Alyce (43:56) Brilliant. Yes. That's so sweet.
Michele (43:57) Yeah. Because he realized Mom didn't get that downtime. What you're asking your husband to give you is a heads up so you can wind down your mental processes so that you can be totally present for them.
Alyce (44:10) Right.
Michele (44:11) And that is one of the difficult things about managing family and managing a business. I remember the boys saying to me one time we would rather you not be here, physically, if you're not here mentally.
Alyce (44:23) Yeah, yeah.
Michele (44:25) Because it feels worse. It then is a reminder of the fact that we don't have you at this moment. And so trying to manage that, I love that idea. Just give me a text and tell me that you're on the way. My husband does that.
Alyce (44:38) Yeah.
Michele (44:38) He'll Skype me and he'll say, "I'm leaving work." I know I've got 30 minutes to get wrapped up if I want to be able to like you said greet him when he comes in and have my own brain kind of dumped and ready for the night and for family time.
Alyce (44:53) Right.
Michele (44:54) And it's a great heads up so that might be something, anybody, listening who doesn't do it can. Let me ask you this Alyce, How do you work out travel? Because I know with little littles that's hard. Many people that I talked to will say, "I'm in a period of time where I'm not really traveling for my business right now to go to Market or to do all these things. However, when my kids hit this age, it's easier." How have you worked, travel? And I know you and I met at Market in the fall. So I know you travel. How have you worked that into the balance of life and business?
Alyce (45:28) Yeah, so I went to my very first Market in Las Vegas. About six months after I started my business. I went on that VIP red carpet with Jackie and Deb. It's an incredible tour if you haven't been to it. That was kind of my first trip. And I still remember going up to Jackie at the end of the tour and a couple of the women there who were much older than me and had children that were in college. I remember walking up to them after the trip was over. First, I had no idea that I could buy in the trade. So I was like, "What?" This was all new to me. I felt like I just got all this incredible information that was gonna help me take my business to the next level after only being in business for six months. I remember walking up to them feeling so much gratitude. And I just started tearing up because I was thinking about the fact that I was scared to leave my kids. I was scared to take my very first business trip. I drove there, but it was still scary at the beginning. And even after that, I did my very first High Point. and I was like, "Oh my gosh, I'm getting on a plane and flying across the United States without my family." It's funny to look back now because I went to Cabus in Vegas, and then I was in San Francisco for Design Influencers, and I was at High Point in October. And it's funny that now, I don't even think twice. I still missed them. But the first couple of times, it was tough. They cried when they dropped me off at the airport. I would start to tear up. But thankfully my husband's a school teacher, he's great with kids. So in the beginning, I had a friend that had to watch my kids. I think that first trip, she may have watched the kids before school because my husband had to go into work early or something like that. You have to do what you have to do to make it work. And it's worth it. You need that. As a mother, I needed to get out and meet other designers and have time to be inspired. And that's been so, so valuable to me. I'm so thankful to my husband that he holds down the fort while I'm gone and does an incredible job at it.
Michele (47:42) It was funny, I was the same way. I remember the first time I did all of this, writing all these things out. I planned all the meals. I did all this stuff so that I can leave.
Alyce (47:52) Yeah.
Michele (47:53) And now I'm like, "Goodbye. Good luck with food."
Alyce (47:56) Right.
Michele (47:56) Totally different. But that first couple of times and I did, I missed my husband. I missed my boys. But when I got to the conferences or the events, and the amount that got poured into me, it propelled my business faster.
Alyce (48:12) Yeah.
Michele (48:12) It pushed me forward. It gave me confidence. It gave me a tribe. It gave me the idea that I wasn't by myself in all of this. And I think that that is also what pushed my business faster than I could have done all alone at home, thinking I'll wait five to seven years to go. I'm not saying I could go to all of it all the time. I certainly had to be selective.
Alyce (48:16) Right.
Michele (48:26) All of us do. But oh my goodness, getting out and actually having those relationships built in the industry. And like you said, learning. "Oh my gosh, I can actually buy the trade. I can do this. This is how you do that. Is it that much easier than I thought?"
Alyce (48:50) Right.
Michele (48:50) "Or here's a resource I didn't even know about." And so even on my husband's side, when I came home, really excited about my business and the opportunities. I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. And look, we could go this direction or that direction. He was so excited for me.
Alyce (49:08) Yeah. And I always bring something back.
Michele (49:11) Yeah. And I did the same thing. And then he started looking for opportunities for me to step out. Hey, "Did you want to go to that?"
Alyce (49:20) Aww, that's so cute.
Michele (49:21) Because he saw and we've both been working in the corporate world. He knew what those kinds of things did in his own environment.
Alyce (49:28) Yeah.
Michele (49:28) And he didn't begrudge me that. He worked corporate. So he was gone all the time. And we had to really work around it... As you said, we had to pull in the tribe. I mean, I had neighbors getting the kids off the bus. And I would pay him back by getting their kids off the bus at another time. Just kind of pulled together in our community of supporters.
Alyce (49:50) Yeah.
Michele (49:50) For me to be able to do those things.
Alyce (49:52) Absolutely.
Michele (49:53) And it pays off right? Absolutely pays off.
Alyce (49:56) Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, my business would be so different if I hadn't gone to all those Markets. And at the beginning, it was like, "Oh, this is fun." Now it's like, "I have to go like I have to go. This is like necessary for my business."
Michele (50:11) That's right. That's right. So let me ask you this, what is one of your next profit goals in your business? What are you looking forward to doing next?
Alyce (50:19) Oh, that's a good one. Well, I don't know if I told you, but I'm working with Emily at Bean Countery.
Michele (50:27) Excellent.
Alyce (50:28) So, that's exciting. She's cleaning up my books. I have now gone through two bookkeepers in the past two years. So I'm excited to get my books really tight. I mean, they weren't a terrible mess. But I really want to hone in and figure out based on those numbers, how I want to move forward. And like I said, I'm at a place where my income has been very consistent over the past two to three years. So I kind of got to decide do I just want to be content with that and continue keeping it where it's at? Or do I want to take a step and grow? My husband and I have talked about whether I want a storefront and or an office outside of my home. I honestly don't know that I'm ready for that. I'd love that I can pick the kids up from school and bring them back home and I can still work in my office if I need to. There are a lot of things that I love about having a home office and no overhead. That's huge. But I have really been considering it, I've had a couple of part-time and a full-time employee and trying to decide if I want to bring somebody on, again. I feel like I'm traumatized from all the hiring and saying goodbye.
Michele (51:42) You're right. It is. That's painful, that's painful. Well okay, I'm so glad that you're able to connect with Emily. She is so good at helping you get your books cleaned up and in order and just makes sure everything's in its place. I love working with her. I'll make sure I put a link to her podcast for anybody that wants to go back and listen to that in the show notes. And just even having a good handle on that will move you forward. And then let's just give a moment of grace here for the hiring and separation that we have with employees. It's not easy.
Alyce (52:15) No.
Michele (52:16) This is not easy. And that's why the whole hire slowly, fire fast is really great information. But it can make you a little bit...
Alyce (52:26) Weary.
Michele (52:28) Yeah, and shy about doing it again, right. Especially when it wasn't an awesome experience the first time. It's like anything, you find a way. You work it out, and you'll move forward. So you'll either change up your business practices and offerings in such a way that you don't have to hire.
Alyce (52:46) Yeah.
Michele (52:47) Or you will keep them in a certain way that may necessitate your hiring. But as long as we work on your hiring processes, then hopefully we can do it with a little bit better outcome.
Alyce (52:59) Yeah.
Michele (53:00) But you don't know if you don't try. And so kudos to you, Alyce for trying.
Alyce (53:03) Yeah. And they've all been great hires. It just has not worked out long term. And I think that's the hard part. And it is a lonely business when you're doing this by yourself. So, not only is it nice to have somebody that is task-oriented and can help you in that sense. It's just nice to have a partner in crime. Somebody else alongside to help motivate you at times and walk the journey with you.
Michele (53:31) I agree with that. And it used to be that when we hired, we hired people thinking we'll be together for five or 10 years. Now people are taking jobs and like two years is considered a long time.
Alyce (53:41) Yeah.
Michele (53:42) Well, I'm just getting to know people well in two years. I don't want him to go.
Alyce (53:46) Yeah.
Michele (53:46) And so that that's a bit of an adjustment. We definitely don't stay in places as long as we did. I remember my parents took a job and they stayed there until they retired. Not to say they didn't move around in the company.
Alyce (54:00) Yeah.
Michele (54:00) They were there. And that was it. And it's just not that way these days. And so that does make it a little bit harder when we want to build firmer and stronger relationships with people.
Alyce (54:10) Yeah. And it takes a while to train. Even just like the onboarding and payroll, that aspect of it. And then to train them all the processes and all the systems and everything like that. It takes about three months, I think, to do all of that.
Michele (54:24) At least, at least.
Alyce (54:25) Yeah.
Michele (54:26) Well, I want to thank you so much, Alyce, for coming on and having such a great conversation about family, balance, choices, decision making and being intentional with all of that. Seasons of busy, seasons of rest. How to work it out, involve your tribe. I mean, we've covered a lot of ground today. And I really just thank you for sharing your perspective on all of that. We'll have it all in the show notes, but tell people where they can find you. Where are you hanging out these days in social?
Alyce (54:56) Sure I am on Instagram at The True house and my website is TheTrueHouse.com
Michele (55:05) Perfect. Well, if anybody is not connected, get connected. We will make sure we have all that in show notes so they can go in and find it. And Alyce, I wish you much success and I can't wait to see where your business goes and how you take it there.
Alyce (55:21) Thank you so much, Michele. It was such a great time this morning. Appreciate it.
Michele (55:25) Thank you so much. Have a good day.
Alyce (55:27) You too. Bye-bye.
Michele (55:28) I'm so thankful to Alyce for spending time with us today. Sharing her journey and how she's looking at success in each season of her life and in the lives of her children. And I hope that you have found this to be a podcast of support. I would also ask that if you need assistance or need help, please search me out on one of the channels. You can find me on Instagram at Scarlet Thread ATL. You can find me on Facebook at Scarlet Thread Consulting. Or in my group Build a Profitable Business For Interior Designers and Workrooms, my website ScarletThreadConsulting.com reach out and let us help you because we're here for you. Because profit doesn't happen by accident.